A few more weeks

It’s July, and per usual, my pre-birthday post.

Normally, around this time, I would be listing the things (material-wise) that I would want as birthday gifts. This year, I’m doing it a bit different. I won’t be listing any materials that I want, if you know me well, you’d know what I want.

But to be honest, what do I really want for my birthday... something that I have been wishing for years but barely been able to reach it. No, it’s not that gray LV back pack nor is it the new iPhone, I just want to be happy.

What’s the point of people chanting “happy birthday” to you the whole day when you’re not authentically feeling it? It’s been awhile that I felt completely elated on my birthday; I felt it a bit last year, but it didn’t last as long as I hoped it would. For here I am, still searching for that particular feeling that’s lost between all the intricate dramas of what we call “life”.

I was watching a movie the other day (can’t remember which), but the actress said “happy endings are stories that haven’t really ended”. True, because the story of life doesn’t end after 2 hours, it doesn’t end after a marriage, nor does it end with a credit roll.

Life comes in a pair; yin and yang; that balances what life is. Happy ending movies tend to focus on the yang; the brighter side of life, but people tend to focus on the yin; the depressing parts of life and overwhelm themselves in it. I have been guilty on the latter quite so often.

Thus, what I want for my birthday is... to forget the dark depressing yin, but to immerse myself in the wonderful yang of life. I want to wake up feeling completely elated – joyful as I’m still breathing and my heart still beating, and going back to sleep that night – feeling the exact same way. I want to wake up smiling and falling asleep with a smile on my face.

Someone once said “life is too short to be depressed”. As shallow-minded as I think that phrase is, I will be taking that as this year’s birthday theme.

I want to be happy. That’s all. But how am I going to do that?