Life

have you ever been fired from a job you worked so hard for?

have you ever been homeless?

have you ever seen your memories literally burned up in fire?

have you ever countlessly been threatened to be evicted?

have you ever starved yourself because you don't have anything to eat at all?

have you ever had to sleep in a couch for years?

have you ever lost so much of your possessions that all that is left can fit into the boot of a small car?

have you ever seen both your parents cry and couldn't be able to do much about it?

have you ever had to go through all these and have nobody there to talk to?

Life's a bitch, a smile is yet another mask.

Muaz Al Rashid.

"It is JUST my opinion"

You know what’s hard for a lot of people to do? To listen and understand. Something a lot of people crave for – but a talent that a lot of people lack. The lack of which normally ends up in disagreements, arguments and separations.

I’ve mentioned this before – I think. But it’s an issue that is very personal to me, thus the thoughts.

People crave to be heard and to be understood, but perhaps because of that particular craving, they forget that others yearn for the exact same thing. They want to be heard and understood so much, a lot of times, it just ends up to be just about how they feel or what they think is right.

Often I fall in the category of the misunderstood and unheard - which I think is partly the reason why I have a blog to begin with. I grow up feeling isolated, misunderstood and misinterpreted a lot of times, I was a quiet kid; and that is when I learned to listen. I grew up listening because a lot of people seem to not want to give me the chance to say anything, and that’s perhaps because I grew up among people who are very opinionated. Thus, when I acquire the confidence to speak up, I became very opinionated – and yet, I still actually know and understand where others are coming from.

But like I said before, people often refuse to want to listen to something that they don’t agree with.

Thing is, as much I understand what others say or explain – I still have my own individual feelings and thoughts – and that’s the only thing I wish people could just acknowledge – the fact that I’m a person with his own feelings – his own thoughts – his own brains – his own heart. If I could listen to you and understand you, why can’t you give the same respect?

I’m not saying I’m perfect, no. I, too, have once in a while become too engulfed into my own feelings and thoughts that the ego in me automatically repudiates where others are coming from.

However, when I say I understand – I actually do. But somehow, a lot of people, whenever I have something else to say, something that is of me, my feelings towards the subject – they automatically claim that I don’t understand. Just because I have own feelings, it does not mean I don’t understand where you are coming from. It just makes me human. All I hoped was that you give me the chance to speak up – that you would just listen to me instead of forcing me to comprehend something that I actually already understood perfectly.

And often, when people say “we need to talk” – they tend to dominate the talk and start to really be defensive – so really, that is not “us talking”, that is just “you talking”.

Sigh. Don’t people know, that just by listening and trying to understand where others are coming from, something that simple, could just really let us all live in peace and harmony?

love,
Muaz Al Rashid

Movie Review: Percy Jackson and The Olympians, The Lightning Thief

Wow it's been a while since my last movie review. There's been quite an influx of movies that strike my fancy lately - and even better that there're still more to come (I am excited about the Alice In Wonderland movie).

So anyway, I managed to watch Percy Jackson the other day with a friend - I went to watch it regardless of the negative review from my best man (whose movie reviews normally synchronise with mine pretty well). So I went in and tried not to be too excited, regardless of its awesome trailer, and pretty much my expectation was actually met.

To call the movie "bad" might be a wee bit too harsh, there are some "nice" moments here and there - but overall it's very bland. I find myself uncomfortable sitting in the cinema - not because of the chair (that only happens at the Empire Cinema), but because I feel like I wanna pause the movie for a while, go out, get maybe some snacks, go around for a bit, maybe nap, then resume the movie.

Unless you're 8 years old or are just very easily amused with hocus pocus - then you'd probably find the movie extremely appealing.

I have huge doubts that the Percy Jackson series would garner as much popularity and success such as Harry Potter. At least Daniel Radcliff could actually live up to his role as a lead, Percy Jackson's actor, Logan Lerman, did not. Looks aside, his acting in the movie was very mediocre - in fact very weak in the Lotus eater scene. And I always feel that the choice of a lead actor in a movie plays a huge role in injecting interest in a movie. It is their job to engage us viewers to the movie - a quality I feel Logan lacks (unless you're easily charmed by his Zac Efron/Chace Crawford good-looks). His acting was just not believable, but then, he's only 18 and one can only hope with more exposure, he could well polish that talent and not just be another pretty face.

Plot-wise, I am quite surprised that the movie is almost completely different from the novel. I am normally disappointed with the Harry Potter movies because they tend to cut off relevant bits and pieces off, for Percy Jackson, on the other hand, it's almost as if they decided to re-write the plots.

In terms of story - I'm not quite sure about this, 'cuz I might have to re-watch the movie in order to fully comprehend this particular part - there are some mythological inaccuracies, or at least it is mythologically misleading. Correct me if I'm wrong, but during the museum scene, did the movie suggest or imply that Percy was based on Perseus? Because if it did, the beheading of Medusa and the usage of her head as a weapon AND not to mention the whole "I used to date for father" thing stand parallel with the actual greek myth - however - in the actual myth, Perseus is not the son of Poseidon, he's the son of Zeus.

In the book however, it is explained - well at least according to wiki - that Percy's mom named him Percy after Perseus - who happens to be the only demigod whose life did not end in tragedy.

Overall, the movie failed to capture me as a viewer. If there's a sequel, I would probably only watch it because of the fact I like myths and/or just to see whether or not Logan Lerman has stepped up his acting skills as a lead actor. I do, however, like the whole modern setting of the movie.

Next review: The Wolfman.

love,

Muaz Al Rashid

Shine

“if you dim your light so that someone else could shine, the whole world gets darker” (centre stage)

This is one of my favourite inspirational quotes taken from the 2000 movie, Centre Stage. Read from the surface level, a lot of people assume that this line talks about competition. I, however, see in a different light.

One of the very reasons for this being one of my favourite lines is that it empowers me and helps me battle my self-esteem issues. I’ve always had an issue with regards to my self-confidence and self-esteem; I have this problem in believing myself – in believing that I can do what people think I can do – in believing that I actually have the talents that people see in me. A lot of times, I fail to see what people see in me. And this often gets in the way of my growth.

Take a room with four lights, for example. If you switch off one of the lights, the room would still be lit by the other three – but it will never be as bright as if it were lit by all four. I’d be bright, but would always be darker. That is how I read that Centre Stage line. Everyone is their own light, if you could not believe in yourself, you would never shine as much as how others would brightly do. You need to believe in yourself that you deserve to shine – that you deserve a place – that you deserve a chance, as much as the next person.

So what if you think there are other more talented people, that should not be a reason to dim. You deserve to brighten up the sky as much as the other stars – what matters is that you try your hardest and that you believe that you deserve to be there with them.

You definitely cannot make everyone happy – but what matters is that you – yourself – are happy. And that would help you shine.

Muaz Al Rashid - Life is not easy fo any of us, but what of that? We must have perseverance and, above all, confidence in ourselves (Marie Curie)

once a teacher, always a teacher..

A couple of months ago I was checking out a friend’s profile page on facebook and I was overwhelmed with joy when I saw a link to my former teacher’s profile. My teacher from primary 5 (that was back in 1996) SR Amar Pahlawan, Zarina Abu Zar; one of the best teacher a student could ever ask for. Her presence alone brightens up a whole class; her teaching – one of the most exciting and passionate I’ve ever seen. I didn’t just see her as a teacher – I saw her as a mother figure; her love for her students was just so clear – she made me feel special. Years have passed, and I still remember the sound of her voice, the way she taught and how caring she was; the impact she has made towards her students was so great that all of us just fail to forget such an inspirational character.

Now that is a teacher. Someone you can look up to and yet never made you feel too scared to talk to – someone so inspirational, you would just never forget their presence in your life – someone who is able to lift your spirits up and tell you never to give up – someone... who wouldn’t just give up on you. In the words of Henry Adams, “a teacher affects eternity; he can never tell where his influence stops”

That definition of a teacher is embedded into my mind ever since, and I tried implementing it when I was performing my teaching practice in SM Menglait, last year. And I’m telling you this... it’s difficult. Putting all your heart and soul into your work is wonderful, but when students rebel against you – particularly for not trying hard enough – or not even trying at all – it just hurts so much.

Me being me, try not to show it much (konon control macho – barigali) but I find myself emotionally attached to my students and I tried my best just to see them succeed. I had a couple of students who couldn’t care less about their education; refuse to do any work, barely comes to class – you get the drift – which is typical, you get those kinda kids all the time. But it just hurts me that I wasn’t able to help these kids to see that what they’re doing now is detrimental towards their future. Some of the rebels were actually even ridiculously smart. Sigh.

O well...

As a whole, I did enjoy my teaching experience greatly, I felt ever so thankful that, regardless of the rebels, a lot of my other students appreciated the amount of effort I put to help them, and a lot of them even bugged me to come back to teach them. I wish I could just easily said “yes” to them. But up until now, I’m still not sure that I am able to inspire. The amount of burden that falls upon a teacher is so massive – and it scares me. I’m scared that I might fail as a teacher.



Over the years, I’ve seen different types of teachers; I’ve seen those teachers who are just like Miss Zarina Abu Zar – and I’ve seen those who just couldn’t care less. I’m just afraid that one day I might slip and fall into the latter category.

All and all, if anyone is even reading this, to everyone who was ever involved in my teaching experience – thank you for the wonderful moments.

The important thing is not so much

that every child should be taught,

as that every child should be given the wish to learn.

(John Lubbock)

Love,
Muaz Al Rashid

I said it before..

and I will say it again..

I will write something regarding my teaching practice experience. I was gonna write it now, but kana panggil tia ku. pfft.

heh

laters.

Yin and Yang

I'd build myself up

And fly around in circles

Waitin' as my heart drops

And my back begins to tingle

Finally could this be it?

(Chasing Pavements, Adele)

Have you ever had any of those moments, where it seems like different parts of your mind or subconscious are fighting with each other? Particularly the side of you that is optimistic against the pessimist you. It's not fun, isn't it? 'cuz it makes you go crazy and turns you into the insomniac you are now - 'cuz everytime you lie in bed and stare in to the darkness, hoping to get some sleep, your mind started having this endless debate.

come on, gimme a break.

When you're faced with a situation, where you know there's an ending coming. At times, you wanna feel optimistic and say "I don't wanna dwell over the fact that it's gonna end, I'm just gonna let that happen one day - and before that happens, I'm gonna make sure I make the best out of the days I have left"

and then, reality screams to your face "it's gonna end godammit! and you have nobody by your side when that happens! for all you know, it's gonna end tonight" *plays All American Reject's "It Ends Tonight"*

[what? am I not allowed to be all dramatic now?]

So what're you supposed to do? Be happy with the fact that things are still in fact the way it is, or worry about what's going to happen at the end of the day?

Should I give up

Or should I just keep chasing pavements?

Even if it leads nowhere

Or would it be a waste?

Even if I knew my place

Should I leave it there?

Should I give up

Or should I just keep chasing pavements?

Even if it leads nowhere,

Muaz Al Rashid

RTB awards 2009

Yes yes I know I haven't been updating Helda.. pfft.

I haven't gotten the time to compose a proper post lately - thus why, like I said in my previous post, most of my thoughts and opinions make their way to my facebook statuses just. O well.

anyway.

VOTE FOR ME!

nyahaha. I'm nominated for RTB awards 2009.

To vote, type in "ARTB MUAZ" send it to 8885555 (DST) or 22333 (Bmobile). You can only vote for a nominee once (one number = one vote).

you'll hear from me soon, I promise-ish. hehe

Love me for a reason..

"Love me for a reason.. and let the reason be love" (Boyzone)

Yes, here I am yet again talking about one of my endless topic, love. Why do I keep discussing this? Why do I keep questioning this? Why are there so many theories... ideologies... stories when it comes to love?

why? because love is enigmatic. It's not something that is easily explained. Such the quotation above (note: I don't quote boybands often unless if they actually do have a line of value). Love makes you do crazy things... it baffles the mind... it creates war AND harmony at the same time. Love for a reason, and let the reason be love. What does that really mean?

It means, it's just difficult to explain why you are in love with someone.

It is easy to say HOW you start falling in love with someone. That is what I call the triggers; things that makes you "like" someone and which leads to love. These triggers are unique to different people; physical appearance, intelligence, charisma, humour, boob size, sexual fetishes, common interest - - you get the drift.

Thing is... most of these triggers are either ephemeral (particularly when it comes to physical apperance - one of the main reasons as to what contributes to "liking" someone) or faded away or overwhelmed by negative attributes of the person you fell "in love with"; such as being abusive, compulsive liar, impassionate etc.

For example, you fell in love with your bestfriend; she's always been there for you and showed you how much she really cares about you - and on top of that - you do everything together, and then things happen, you may get a little drifted apart, let's say, she's off to study abroad. Are the reasons for how you fell in love with her still valid as being reasons why you still love her? You say you love her because she's always there for you - what if she's not anymore? Are you going to stop loving her? Is it the end?

No - your feelings remain. But why? You thought you love her because of your togetherness - are you sure?

As I've said, the process of falling in love, is easier to explain in compared to why you still are currently in love with that person.

Some people say.. reasons can change or fade. Feelings remain. So can you really say you need a specific reason to love someone? It's difficult to put in words.

When I'm in love, I don't know why, but at the end of a stressful day, a simple text message from the person you're in love with - could just brighten your whole day. A little smile, can cheer you up like you've never been happier. A little eye contact, could make your heart stop beating for a moment like as if time itself wants you to embrace that moment. A little touch could make your palm sweat and your heart beats faster. Why? because you are in love.

True love - true undying and unconditional love, is like wind, you know it - you feel it - you just don't know how to explain it. For something so beautiful, just let it be, don't question it too much. Love is just so great that you can't really find the perfect words to explain it, apart from the word "love" itself.

note:

Unconditional love is not the best in every situations. When it comes to abusive partners or those who are compulsive liars, that is enough a reason for you to walk out that door. When people say, there shouldn't be a reason for you to love someone - then I say, there are reasons why you should NOT love someone.

Also, some couples spend way too much time thinking of reasons why they love each other - and in most cases, it ends up in an argument. So there, when both of you are in love; embrace it - stop questioning it.

With love,

Muaz Al Rashid

Random

I haven't posted anything in quite a while.. it feels like as if I'm starting to lose connection to actual blogging as opposed to micro-blogging. The idea of fitting a whole post in one short sentence is quite enticing; it kind of lets people wonder what the details of it might really be... what triggers that one short "status update".. keeping an ounce of privacy yet expressing yourself nicely in such a delicate amount...

At times, writing such detailed posts makes one feel that one might lose his or her entire privacy - one might feel that the more one writes, the more it becomes misconstrued by someone else's negative opinions.

I'm not saying that blogging is starting to scare me, I've already made quite a number of foes and might have stirred quite a battle with some people. But I've never really regretted any of it. The fact that these things happen, it helps you grow. It widens your horizons.

A lot of people hate being criticized because they're afraid of being out of their shell. There is a whole world upon us, and if we close ourselves to our little mindsets - not wanting to even listen (or read) someone else's differing opinion, we're not going to get anywhere but to only be stuck in our own shadows.

I don't know why I see things very differently from the masses; including my own family. Education? maybe.. television? maybe... I really don't know.. but that is what is special, yet intriguing about humans; sometimes there are really no answers to how something started. Like the typical "which comes first; the chicken or the egg?" question. Some things are just is. Like why am I a born a boy? why are my ears different? Why am I not blue eyed?

Yes, you can argue that life experiences shape a person's mindset; that's definitely one of the key components of it, but really there are times when you really think of it - why exactly are you more optimistic than you are a pessimist? it's as if we're born with some particular traits that act a like a chip inserted in us and that is how we operate - based on those traits that we inherited genetically.

But what about me? Why do I think so differently than quite a number of my own family members.. Why do I see things differently? Why do I look so much like my mother and yet think differently? I resemble my sister and yet we are almost completely different.

I don't even know why I am talking about this at 4 in the morning. I'm not even trying to explain myself.. these words just seem to flow to my fingers.

But yeah.. I have different opinions to quite a number of things... A friend said this the other day:

"They're not weird Muaz.. You are.. for being where you were to begin with.. You don't belong there - why were you even there?"

The ugly duckling... the black sheep.. typical things you can call me by.

Anyway.. the point is.. you may have different opinions.. but it doesn't mean that others have to follow suit.. it doesn't mean that you can't listen to someone else's point of views.. Listen to them - even if they won't listen to you. Agree is not a necessity, but listening and just understanding someone's stance on a particular issue might be interesting.

Open up your shell, and start living the world.

Love,
Muaz Al Rashid